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Animal Entertainment, Paid for with Nuts
© 2004 copyright Raymond C. Evans
The biggest entertainment we have around here is a tame squirrel that comes to the door for handouts. We thought it was a boy at first so we named it Larry after one of my friends, (he's always as busy as a squirrel). We found out later she was a girl and since she seemed to be a southern squirrel, (she liked pecans the best), we then renamed her Larrybelle.
The way we found out she was a girl was because of her peculiar habit of begging. She would stand up in front of the glass door showing the full length of her tummy. Soon her little spigots began to show, all eight of them. They got bigger and bigger until she began to look sort of like Dolly Parton times 4. It was like looking at Dolly Parton with double vision, well quadruple vision really.
I began to think maybe I would start up a small dairy here selling squirrel milk. I don't have any idea what it would be like to milk a squirrel but I suspect it would have to be done real quick. The milk should be an easy thing to advertise, strong nutty flavor, etc. Give some of that to an old geezer and he would start swinging from tree to tree. You'd have to put mittens on his hands though to keep him from digging up the yard trying to bury stuff.
It wasn't long until we started to see some baby squirrels running around. I looked up some stuff and found that they are only supposed to have one litter per year, she had two, (she must be a sexy girl).
She is really a cheap source of entertainment, still she has expensive tastes, pecans cost a whole lot more than peanuts.
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