Aliens from Twerkey

© 2004 copyright Raymond C. Evans

You may come to the wrong conclusion based on the title of this little story that I’m going to tell you some wild story about spotting a UFO or something. No, I usually do stories that have a historical flavor. I wouldn’t say anything at all about a UFO for fear that I might gain a reputation as an exaggerator or something like that.

This story has a historical flavor just like the ones I’ve done in the past, only you have to look at it from the perspective of a “Twerkian”, from the far off planet of Twerkey, many, many light years distant.

The Twerkians had heard about “Planet Earth” of many eons ago and just like people of our day, many of their top scientists were in deep study trying to define the origins of the universe. One of the big topics and headlines of the day were, “What could have led to the big disappearance of the human race on planet earth”.

“The Twerkians had their bureaucracies too, just like we do today. They were more sophisticated than we but they still advanced one “government grant” at a time, just as we do.

Well it came to pass that some elite scientists from Twerkey University pulled a large government grant together to send a spaceship to earth to study the demise of the human race. They knew if they could solve this dilemma, their whole planet would benefit. Also they were well aware of the scientific prestige it would bring to Twerkey U.

Technology had advanced so much that the trip in itself wasn’t really such a big deal at all; it was just a matter of “time and space”. Upon landing on earth, they just raised the Twerkey flag and named the landing spot “Twerkeyville” in honor of their alma mater “Twerkey U”.

Finding any trace at all of humans was going to be an almost impossible task. They sent their robotic “Twerkey Lander” searching high and low. Into the deep jungles, the deserts, the alpine regions, the deep forests, the highlands, the flatlands and everywhere else that humans were known to exist. Not a trace could be found!

The cause of the whole expedition would have been a total loss were it not for some bizarre twist of fate that caused them to look under a big rock. And if it weren’t for the ex-ray vision of these Twerkey people the expedition would have ended as a total failure.

They would call on their most experienced archeologists to make the dig, the site would have to be mapped carefully; every nuance of the site would be carefully protected and taken into their portable lab for intense study. It took a good while to uncover and process the only relic ever found of the human race, this was no doubt the “find” of the millennium. The relic itself was not so extraordinary, just a faded photograph was all it was but upon intense study the story of the “lost human race” began to unfold. This would be shocking good news to the scientists waiting anxiously back at Twerkey U. This discovery would give the ‘boost” needed to help recruit new players for their very weak, unacheaving football team and their dance team who were experts, only in the rendition of the “twerkey-trot.

The photo seemed to show a very dark room full of humans, upon deeper study the shocking story was beginning to emerge. These humans were not healthy, they were emaciated and dying, and they were starving to death. One was seen trying to read the fine print on a package, another seemed to be trying to read the fine print on a bottle of medication. Yet another was just sitting there staring at a package holding a bent screwdriver in his hand. Still another was furiously hacking at a plastic food package with an axe, the axe-blade itself bent and broken.

This was not a pretty sight; these humans were all dying, starving to death, this, the shocking truth about the demise of the human race.

Upon further study it was found that only one group of humans had gained any satisfaction from this disaster, it was the marketing and packaging industry. They had finally achieved their dream. The fine print so fine that it could not be read and packages so strong and sophisticated that they could not be opened, what a victory for them!

See, I told you that this was also going to be a story with a historical bent, all you have to consider, is the perspective.